Love?

The thing about love is, I love it. But I don't seem to understand what it means.
I see love all around me, but for me, I can't find it. Or I guess I always just feel like I do know what it means. But I don't.
I believe that there are different types of love.
> A love in a brotherly/sisterly kind of way.
> A love in a friend kind of way.
> A love in a motherly/fatherly kind of way.
and last
> A love, a special kind of love that is for your eternal sweetheart. The one you want to spend forever with.
       You think the world of this person. You would do anything and everything for them. You support them through everything, even the moments that are hard for you to love them. You think they are different. They are different. You see them differently from everyone else.
Love isn't supposed to hurt. So why does it seem to hurt? It doesn't. Sometimes you get so wrapped in the moment that you think that you are in love, but it's disappointing when you find out that you aren't.
       I know. Because I've been there... I've been there more than once. Well at least I thought I had been there. It honestly has been one of the hardest things I have had to go through. I've thought that they have been there for me, and loved me the way that I had loved them. It's hard when you realize they don't. When you are willing to do so much for them and you realize in the time you need them the most that they are not there for you the way you thought they would. You risk falling for them, even though you may know that it will end up hurting. You are willing to risk putting your feelings on the line, and in the end it just isn't in your favor.
       Maybe it's selfish of me, but I long for someone to treat me as though I am a daughter of God. Wanting and wishing for what everyone else has. I don't know, but at this age, it seems like everyone is finding love so easily especially now at my age.
       But I have to remind myself, that I am still so young. Which really does help me calm down the want for love. I tell myself that I have eternity to get married. I have been blessed from relationships that might not have been the best for me. I know that it will be worth the wait when the time comes. :) I know that Gods timing is perfect, and that my timing isn't perfect. He knows what I need when I need it and not want it. He knows me better than I know myself. Marriage is a gift from God and should not be taken lightly. Love is also a gift from God, so we should be able to love.
       I have had great examples to me of so I can see what true really is. My parents are great examples of this. Even though they have had hard times, they still care for each other and show each other their support. Same with my grandparents on my moms side. They have been married for 66 years, and my grandma recently passed. But even though she is gone, my grandpa still loves her and knows that she loves him.
True love never ends. <3

Inspired Or Not?

      Life is rough. Love is rough. Thinking is rough.
This year so far has been a world win of every emotion you can ever feel. Being pulled one million and one directions.
All for not letting anyone down right?
Feelings are strong. Strong for the right or for the wrong reasons. How do we know?
Months have passed with no answers, which is the hardest struggle right now for me.
January was so good to me. I loved it. So many new beginnings and so many new friends!
And February was full of taking risks. Doing things that I have never done before, and putting myself out there, and becoming more vulnerable. Being vulnerable is probably my least favorite thing ever. Because sometimes your plans change. I like being in charge of my life, but I learned that God has a plan for me and you individually. Give your trust to Him.
I almost changed my plans on something that was never going to be. How could I be so unaware of what was right?
In March I had decided I was going to go to BYU Hawaii. And it would take a lot to stop me. I thought some one or something would. I realized that my three best friends were all going different directions, not to mention with their men. So, really what do I have to lose? Don't get me wrong but I need to go out on my own and learn more about who I really am and really what I really want.
But, I was wrong. I got an overwhelming feeling that my heart had been wrong, that Hawaii was the place for me. I am glad I realized that before I shut the idea out immediately.
I know its pretty boring hearing about my year, but it really has been life changing.
I realized so many things in just these three short months.
> I learned that the gospel is good. And at the end of the day sometimes that is all that I will have. But it never changes, and it is always here.
> I learned to take a risk. Even though it really didn't end up the way that my heart had hoped. In the end it was good. It was good because I had learned so much.
> I learned that I control my happiness. So many times before I just depended on people to make me happy. But really, I need to focus on me and the things that make me happy.
> I went to the temple the first time in forever! I love it, and I learned that it really is such a great place of peace. I have grown so fond of the temple.
> Sometimes life hurts your feelings. And it brings you down, but you know what? It is always possible to brush it off and get back up. Bigger and Stronger.
> I learned also, that I am far too young for marriage. I have my whole life+eternity just to meet my eternal companion. So really, I am in no rush! I realized that God's timing is perfect, and he knows me better than I know myself.
These are just a few things that I have learned.
I am soooo excited but so nervous for where my life is headed. I can't wait to be with my sister in Hawaii. I can leave and move on past all of the hurt that I have been through.
I am hoping, oh am I hoping that I graduate in May with my Associates. I know that I can do it because I know my angel of a grandma will be by my side every step of the way. <3 I can't wait to grow more and become a better person.